I feel like I no longer know what to do. I feel like I am going insane and am tired of the loud chatter in my head. I started a new therapist yesterday, hopefully that helps. I just want my life back, and I want forward movement. I want ocd triggers to stop having such power over me. I want to feel like I am the manager of my life. I am sure I am doing something wrong here, but it just depresses me too to see that no one has seen my posts. Being extreme, I just want to throw it all away. But I can’t. It helps, even if its just a tiny bit.

You know whats crazy? Yesterday my therapist made me realize the OCD itself isn’t bad and that it has a function in trying to keep me safe. I never thought of it like that, when he asked me more about it I said that I feel my ocd compulsions help me not be blindsighted by something. I have a problem with having faith and taking that leap without ensuring there is a step there. And for me, that is what ocd compulsions provide me, a clear direction, a clear step being visible so I am not blindsighted.

Why is life so hard? Anyone else out there suffering? Hopefully we get to talk. Stay strong friends.